Don't Let Loneliness Define You.
On my Instagram, I talked about an incredibly common, but often hidden, sign of high-functioning anxiety in women: loneliness.
As strong, vibrant women how is it possible that we can feel so alone despite having such busy and full lives?!
High-functioning anxiety has a way of distorting our thought patterns, causing loneliness and social anxiety, and here's why:
High-functioning anxiety is a VERY internal experience. It can often feel like you are carrying a burden that you can't share with other people. And so, most people don't.
Additionally, you may feel that by opening up, you'll feel misunderstood or judged by those around you. This fear can make it very hard to be vulnerable with other people.
If you have an overactive mind and are constantly thinking about how things could go wrong, making you feel stressed and worried, then you're going to have little bandwidth to really engage in relationships and interact on a deeper level with other people.
If you struggle with overthinking, then when you are around other people, you might end up overthinking every little thing that you say or do, which makes it hard to really be present and engaged and enjoy yourself. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and even greater social isolation.
If you suffer from social anxiety, being in social situations might trigger your anxiety even more. So it may feel easier to avoid time with others altogether.
High-functioning anxiety causes people to set unrealistically high expectations of themselves, which can seep into social settings. So when it comes to being a friend or partner, your expectations for yourself are too high, and you criticize yourself harshly if you fall short.
You may feel social one day and not social the next. Or feel social on the day you set plans and not social on the day they finally come around. This inconsistency may make it hard to maintain relationships and friendships.
Okay, so we talked about HOW this can happen. Now HOW TO FIX it…
First, take a brief moment to recognize your anxious thoughts in real-time as they come up. While you're in social settings, take note of how you feel in your body and what you tend to think and do.
Second, start to embrace vulnerability even when it's uncomfortable! Start by finding a safe and loving person to do this with. You don't need to dive deep right away; try sharing something small that you've always kept to yourself.
Third, identify and engage in your own interests and hobbies that light you up! Whether it's something creative, active, or even brand new to you, this is a great way to feel enriched and fulfilled while you're spending time by yourself. It's a healthy way to channel your energy and focus, all while reconnecting with yourself.
Lastly, try to take yourself out of the picture. Chances are, the other person or people you are with are also conscious of their own thoughts and behaviors and aren't thinking too much about what you are doing or saying. Redirect your anxious mind by asking questions, thinking over what the other person is saying, and bouncing off of those responses. It's a simple way of getting out of your own mind and into the present moment.
If you need help navigating stressful situations like the one I just shared, let's chat to see if therapy is a good fit for you! In our sessions, you get the attention, support, and guidance you need to conquer your fears, let go of unhealthy patterns, and feel more joy, peace, and fulfillment!